Hello again DDD: I make that horrified face because OH MAN, I know it’s been a stupidly long time since the last update. I didn’t mean to, I promise! First there was November, which meant I pretended I was NaNoWriMoing when in reality I was wasting time on Facebook and F Yeah Writer Leopard. Then my in-laws came for Thanksgiving and just… they just NEVER LEFT D: I honestly just got rid of them LAST WEEK. And I can’t sim when they’re around because they judge me. And then after that I was busy playing Fable 3, but that’s not important. What IS important is that I am back, and I am SO going to finish the crap out of this legacy this year XD

But seriously, being with the in-laws 24/7 for so long… it was like I was living in my own personal legacy HELL. I almost feel bad for putting my sims through it.

Almost.

Edit: It has now been three weeks since I wrote that and I still haven’t posted this *headdesk* To be fair, this second delay was because I’ve been sick (and playing Dragon Age: Origins). Whoops.

So do you have something you want to say, Sage?

Sage Moonblood: Happy new beer.

Yes, happy new year, by the way. At the end of January.

I’m going to be honest. In the time I was gone, I managed to lose a bunch of screenshots and didn’t have a decent save to fall back on and play again, so things will be quite different around here. Consider this a pre-update, really. A prelude to an update, as the title suggests. A lot of catching up AGAIN. I’m so sorry XD

First of all, please welcome the Three Gnomes of Serious Temptation. Basically they’re there to lure innocent animals to the Creeper house SO THEY CAN EAT THEM. Because, you know, stale birthday cake can only go so far. They need PROTEIN.

Secondly, you may remember this guy as the stray from last update who kept running away. Or disappearing into thin air. Well, we got him. I won’t say HOW we got him, but we got him.

Cheshy: There are things that I have been through that will make your insides burst into flames upon hearing them.

His name is now Cheshy because he reminded me (and a reader too, mind linkage ftw) of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. He now speaks properly for some reason. I guess the events that led him to us were completely life changing <<

Cheshy came to us as a Genius, Hyper, Independent, Non-Destructive cat. Score. We have since trained him to be Neat and Playful.

And he likes to walk around with his eyes closed.

Cheshy: Maybe slamming my head into the wall will get me out of here. Sweet freedom, here I come!

We also adopted a cat named Dumpling, who also happens to have no tail. I actually hadn’t noticed at all until now. My cats are soulmates.

Dumpling: I’m taking a little dumpling on your rug, bee tee dubs.

She’s a darling, isn’t she? She was Non-Destructive when we got her and we’ve trained her to be Neat and Playful as well.

See? Playful.

Dumpling: Resistance is futile. Give in or be destroyed.

It’s totally love.

I seriously didn’t want to get any pets this soon, but I got a second cat because of this CAT FORT. I saw it and thought I NEED ALL THE CATS! I want cats poking out of every entrance. I think that would be SO CUTE XD

I need a life. But we established that a long time ago, so…

Cheshy: Hello, my loyal subjects. As your leader, I demand you bring all the food to me or suffer the consequences. Which are bad.

Cheshy: Um, excuse me, Dumpling! Did I grant you permission to use that bridge?

Dumpling: Shut up, Cheshy. We all know you’re pussy cat whipped.

Bahaha, that’s terrible.

Cheshy: It’s true. I love my Dumpling.

Okay okay, ENOUGH WITH THE CATS, STARLA. I’m not even a cat person. Jeeze. Let’s get down to legacy catch up business. In a minute! FIRST:

And this is where it gets intensely cool!

So, one day the kids were gossiping, and this is the news they brought forth from the streets of Sunset Valley:

I don’t have pop-ups turned on and had no idea, so I after I saw that I checked my simself’s relationship status with MasterController.

Completely unprovoked! Is this real life?! NO. I mean, I know it’s just a game, but I may or may not have done this for about ten minutes:

I love when my simself makes good choices on her own XD

Kangaroo Deer: Isn’t this supposed to be a legacy or something? Get on with it!

Right. Sorry. And also… wtf?

Okay, so now we begin the re-introductions, as we often do when I become a failure at updating. I hope you all remember Tabooger, clone of Hermione except for coloring. She’s a clumsy virtuoso coward who hates the outdoors.

Peaches Honeyblossom, a decent if not odd mixture of Sage and Hermione. She’s a genius who LOVES the outdoors and is both neurotic and perceptive.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Smartest sim in the whole game.

Well, I dunno, Peaches. YOU’RE not the one dating Darren Criss, are you? NER NER :P

You last saw the twins as children. They grew up now and probably don’t remember anything from their childhood.

This is Seven Sirius, also known as 7. He’s also got an interesting mix of features, but you can’t tell because he hides behind his sunglasses and ninja demeanor.

7: Siriusly, no pictures, please.

He’s an easily impressed, perfectionist loner who is mean spirited. He’s going to make a woman very… irritated one day.

Spec Wildhorse is a clone of Sage except for coloring. He’s a friendly virtuoso mooch with a good sense of humor. And I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it yet or if you’ve noticed, but every kid this generation has a different hair color.

Weird, right?

Hermione has become an elder and is still working on her LTW of becoming Leader of the Free World. She’s pretty close. Right now she’s the Governor. I don’t see why they don’t just make her Leader of the Free World NOW. I mean, she hunted horcruxes to help Harry defeat Voldemort and thus saved the entire world. If that can’t get you places, nothing can.

Hermione: So, you see, if you’ll all just sign this S.P.E.W petition, I will let your families live. And it’s now spew, either. If I hear that one more time, I will shoot a puppy.

Oh. Maybe it’s her senile woman speeches?

Sage is still a babysitter, but she hasn’t been promoted. Not once. Pretty much after those toddlers left, no one ever came back. I know there are toddlers out there. I SEE them around town. WHY DON’T THEY LIKE US?

Sage Moonblood: I don’t mind. Getting paid to drink and do nothing is much better than getting paid to drink and take care of brats.

We’ve even tried luring kids to the house by paying the ice cream truck driver to sit in front of the house. Still not working.

Buuuuut that’s all I had to update on, so I’m going to end this here. I know this was SUPER short, but I’m hoping to update again sometime in the next TWO days. If I don’t, it’s because I’m a terrible person. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Until then, please enjoy this picture of my front yard:

Happy simming <3

Stray Cat: Man I’onno ’bout y’all Creepers, man. I’onno ’bout y’all, man. Y’all some crazy people.

Welcome back to the Creeper Legacy. Please enjoy your stay :)

I told myself as I installed Pets: "Starla, you are NOT going to go crazy trying to adopt every single pet that walks by the door."

Well. This is the first pet that walked by the door and I. WANT. IT.

Just look at it! The cool striping, no tail, different colored eyes, weirdo expression, funny accent (in my head). It’s perfect for the family.

Stray Cat: On’y thang is, I ain’t easily bought, see. Y’all gon’ hafta try real hard a get me, man.

Yeah well I bet a nice…

BRUSHING will do the trick.

Stray Cat: Oh yeeeeah, tha’s nice, man, I’ll give ya dat. I ain’t been brush like this since the game spawrnt me.

So are you moving in now?!

Stray Cat: Hmm… Nope. I’on’t thank so.

And then he completely vanished right there on the spot. Didn’t even have the decency to RUN away. Sigh. Oh well.

Later on that night…

Burglar: You had your day SHAT on yet today, Starla?

Yeah, actually there was this stray cat that–

Burglar: Shut up and tell me where the fine china’s at.

Um… I don’t really know, it just kind of appears…?

Sage Moonblood: Burglar? What burglar?

In other words, Sage got up and beat the woman up and I didn’t get the screenshots.

Sage Moonblood: Fast like ninja!

I did get this though, not even two seconds after all that. What in the world, Sage?

Officer: I wish I had a big net to catch criminals in. *sighs* I don’t though so your burglar got away.

Imagine he’s talking like Napoleon Dynamite. That’s what I did :D

Officer: I will get her next time, though! I promise! Even if I have to weave the net myself!

Sage Moonblood: Back to bed. I am going back. To bed.

Sage is still unemployed (like most of the US, thanks economy) and stays home with the toddler twins (Spec Wildhorse and Seven Sirius, in case you forgot – I  don’t have shots of them because I’m shameful). Being a partying technophobe, it’s hard for her to find much to do besides drink and dance.

So the obvious solution was to get her an ant farm.

Sage Moonblood: Shouldn’t they be digging tunnels or something?

Sage Moonblood: Whatever. *dances some more*

She’s worse than a toddler.

At night, when Hermione’s at home with the kids, Sage works at her bar (now called The Escape Hatch).

Judy Bunch: HOT WINGS PLEASE.

Remember how Judy was in the second chapter and now she’s in the 51st? Of course you do :P Ah, nostalgia.

The bar is pretty busy most of the time, mostly because the only other competition in town is that hick bar that came with Pets.

Nick Alto: WINNING!

Jack Bunch: *losing*

Is it just me or does Sage look really bored in all these shots?

Sage Moonblood: Because you’re being boring and I’m highly intoxicated, buzzkill.

Ron Weasley: Remember me? I’m still watching you, you know. Watching…

Sage Moonblood: I’m watching you too. Watching you give me eight bucks for these onion rings.

LOL that’s funny because he’s poor. Get it? Aaaha. Haa. Ahh. Moving on.

Hopefully he’s not watching this though. That would be… well, normal, I guess. For this legacy at least.

Glowing woohooium and a hover bed. Y’all some freaky chicks.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but my rule is that after having all the kids they’re going to have, my sims only woohoo if they roll the want for it. Horndog Hermione rolls the want ALL THE TIME. I also have risky woohoo on and she’s got about 11 days until elderhood. You do the math D:

Check out the moodlet you get with it though. Wooooorth it.

Breakfast time in the Creeper house is almost like breakfast time in any other house, only not. Here, Hermione’s making breakfast for the family. Pancakes. Mmm.

Sage makes her breakfast at the same time so they can all eat (or drink) as a family.

Peaches Honeyblossom, our neurotic perceptive genius, prefers to bake her meal separately.

Peaches Honeyblossom: I trust no one with my food.

She eats at her own table and cleans up her own dishes, aww :D

Peaches Honeyblossom: If it weren’t for child labor laws and things costing money, I’d be living on my own right now.

In your very own plastic bubble, I’m sure.

I was really nervous about this for a second. I really didn’t want any more babies D: But it wasn’t typical "From Unknown Causes But Really You’re Knocked Up" nausea. It was the "we aren’t even gonna tell you ’cause we’re EA and we don’t have to" kind.

But as it turns out, if you stick plasma fruit in the fridge when you don’t know what else to do with it, even if you also have plenty of apples and grapes and even limes, your sims will put it in their food. Because, you know, mmm, plasma fruit pancakes sound delicious! Smart, Hermione.

So now Peaches Honeyblossom’s room is pretty darn popular.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Pwnt.

Hermione: Oh, honestly, it was ONE time!

Segue Deer: A change of topic is coming! A change of topic is coming! Honk, honk!

A few nights later, our burglar comes back for more. Sage is way too excited to see her again. You’re disappointing me, woman!

Sage Moonblood: Oh lighten up, it’s just a game.

Burglar: Oh yes, the rush I’ve been waiting for! Come to me, lady in red!

*headdesk*

Sage wins. Of course. And then they turn into the perturbed-faced twins.

Burglar: Grrr >:(

Sage Moonblood: Arrgh >:(

Burglar: Hmm >:(

Sage Moonblood: Hurr >:(

Burglar: Ungh. Hello.

Sage Moonblood: Rrrr >:(

Officer: What’s wrong with her?

Burglar: She’s not gonna break character. Let’s just get this over with.

And then Sage turns into a cavewoman.

Sage Moonblood: *disgruntled grunt* You take woman?!

Officer: Yes! I still don’t have a net, but I will improvise with the air! Swoosh! There. You’re netted.

Burglar: Oh no. Please. Not the net. Ah, you got me o_o

Sage Moonblood: Woman stay! Woman stay! *stomps foot*

Officer: No, the woman can’t stay. She broke the law! Twice!

Sage: *is now full-on gorilla*

Burglar: Can I just call my babysitter and let her know she can have my kids?

Officer: Oh, dear, what a piece of work, amirite?!

Officer: See? I told you I’d get her and now I did! I did it for YOU, Sage! Yaaaay!

Sage Moonblood: Kay, get out of my house now.

Ants: Loooooook! Tunnel!

Darren Criss: Hey, I thought I was invited to a party.

Darren: Why are there children doing homework in here? Pack it up, guys!

Andie: Well hellooooo there, Darren Criss.

Darren: Hey. What’s up?

Andie: If I were a dude, it’d be my–

Okay, no.

Reignbeau: Hey there, handsome. Ever do it with a cat lady?

Darren: Um. Can’t say I have.

Reignbeau: Well you’re lookin’ right at one. How about it?

Darren: I’m trying not to look, actually, thanks.

LOL Reignbeau’s never gonna get married.

Tamara: Feel free to check out my beautiful ass as I run by, Mr. Criss.

Tu Morrow: Bitch, I will cut you. He’s mine.

Starla: I’m going to have to mass murder these females, aren’t I?

Vita Alto: MOVE, I NEED TO GET NEXT TO DARREEEEEN!

Darren: Maybe I should… go.

I changed my simself’s outfit again XD I really like those boots.

Starla: I look like a doofus.

Andie: He can’t take his eyes off of me, you notice that?

Starla: Yeah, I’m pretty sure Tamara Donner’s ass is in his thought bubble right now though.

Andie: Whatever. He wants me. Anyway, what’s this party for?

Starla: I dunno, birthdays or something? Who cares anyway, right?

Hermione: Hey, Sagey, where are you with Spec?! I want them to grow up together!

Seven Sirius: *is actually pictured here*

Sage Moonblood: Whoops, it’s my birthday too!

Hermione: Crap.

Everyone: Yaaaay, Sage! Woo!

Way to upstage your children. Nevermind that’s it’s kind of my fault XD

Sage Moonblood: Ooow! Getting old hurts!

Sage Moonblood: But damn, I make it look good.

Seven Sirius: Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Seven Sirius is now an easily impressed loner perfectionist. I can’t say I’m a big fan of those traits.

Seven Sirius: By the way, I go by just 7 now. Use it.

Spec Wildhorse: When I open my eyes, I will be a child!

You’re a child now, loser.

Spec Wildhorse: Oh. Whoa, I’m taller!

Yeah, it happens. Spec Wildhorse is now a friendly virtuoso with a good sense of humor. Any changes to your name, Spec?

Spec Wildhorse: Oh is that an option? Okay, call me… Hickle.

No.

So what is an old alcoholic to do when there’s no one to take care of every day?

Sage Moonblood: I have my bar and my stereo. I’m good.

No, I think I have a better idea.

Sage Moonblood: I was afraid of that.

Opening day of the Creeper Family Daycare! I joked about it before, but now that it’s actually an option thanks to Generations, I couldn’t resist.

That’s what any parent would like to see when they drop their kids off at daycare in the morning.

Hey, it’s Leeeeerooooooy Jeeeeeeeenkiiins.

Leroy: Creeper. Leroy Creeper.

Yeah, yeah. Used to be Leroy Goss, but since your mom gave you up because she was a skank, you took Audio’s last name (it helped with the inheritance too, I imagine).

Leroy: Um, I kind of have to get to work, can you stop blocking the doorway?

Leroy: There, little Wyatt. We’ll set you down by this filthy toilet. Have a great day at daycare!

Wyatt: Please don’t leave me here :(

Claire: Is that alcohol on her breath? Oh, wait, no. That’s my breath. Phew.

Stacey: Mummaaaaa, come baaaack!

Sage Moonblood: Oh, you can’t be stressed out, kid. You’re a toddler. It’s not like you have bills to pay or baby daddies.

Stacey: WAH.

Sage Moonblood: Look! Watch these dance moves! They make everyone feel better!

"Stacey would like to be having more fun right now."

Sage Moonblood: Yeah. That makes two of us. Thanks for this, Starla. Really. Thanks.

I gave Stacey a makeover because I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Stacey: That didn’t help my mood, just so you know.

Sage Moonblood: Oh my god, my head is pounding!

Probably because you’ve forgotten about your 3:00 party drink.

Sage Moonblood: And I don’t even know where that other kid went.

Speaking of kids.

Peaches Honeyblossom: You forgot my birthday too!

Whoops.

Tabooger: And then she got weird. Like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen weird.

Peaches is now a neurotic perceptive genius who loves the outdoors.

And she is suddenly obsessed with horses. More on that next time.

That’s it for now! I know there weren’t many kid scenes in this chapter. Whoops. But to make it up to you, here’s a 26 second video of them dancing. Just because.

Thank you for reading, thank you for hanging around for me during my horrendously long absence, and thank you, thank you for all of your beautiful comments :D Much <3 and, as always, happy simming!

Tabooger: The story I’m about to tell you is absolutely true. It’s going to be the most terrifying, horrific thing you could ever imagine and I’m going to tell it to you in the scariest voice I can muster. Also, I must tell you that I am a coward by nature and therefore may pee my pants from the true terror I am about to describe.

Tabooger: Are you listening? You better be.

Tabooger: Once, in a town not far from here, there was… a WOMAN. A gorgeous woman whose beauty was only surpassed by her incredible wit and charm.

Taooger: Okay, that’s obviously not that scary, but bear with me. This woman is just so attractive, I bet my moms would let her move in and shower her with lovin’. Anyway.

Tabooger: This amazingly pretty woman woke up one beautiful (but not as beautiful as her) summer morning. The birds were chirping, her kids (oh, she has kids too) were behaving… It was a day like any other day, only there was ONE slight difference. The difference was…

Tabooger: HER INTERNET WAS GONE. *twitch*

Tabooger: Internet is important, see, and without it, I guess the world is really sad and lonely for some people. I dunno, we automatically have internet on our computers, so we never have this problem. But okay, so…

Tabooger: Her internet was gone! Had it been stolen? Had it run away? Nooooobody knew, but she could instantly start to feel the panic rushing through her veins like white water rafters on a Friday or something. She was suddenly wanting to update her Facebook status to "My internet is gone! Help!" She wanted to see if Darren Criss was Tweeting, she was itching see what was going on with Pottermore, and now she was getting a nagging urge to Google why yawning is contagious, what causes hiccups, pumpkin carving, and what else this actress in the movie she was watching has played in because she looks familiar and she couldn’t figure out where she’d seen her. She couldn’t update her Sims 3 legacy and she couldn’t read the ones written by others. IT. WAS. AWFUL.

Tabooger: Awful indeed, but the worst part about this story… This woman, after months of being deprived from the wonders of the world wide web, shut off from the universe…

Tabooger: IS BAAAAAAACK!!

Tabooger: Thank you. And now I must go change my pants.

Thank you, Tabooger, and yes, I am back. MUAHAHAHA!

I am SO READY to update NOW, but I have a lot to catch up on before I can. Here’s what I have to do before the next update:

1) Go through My Sims 3 Blog to see what goodies I missed while I was forced into the prison of real life.

2) Update my hax0rz.

3) Tweet at Darren Criss.

4) Pottermore? Pottermore!

E) Make sure the Creeper save file hasn’t broken from not being used (I actually used it a few times, so I’m not worried).

6) Play and play and play and take screenshots.

7) Write the update.

And then after that:

?) Catch up on all the other, more superior legacies.

Notice eating isn’t even on there. That is not an accident.

I LOVE YOU GUYS SEE YOU VERY SOON!

ETA: You can follow my progress on Twitter if there’s nothing good on TV. Not even good reruns.

I’m going to go ahead and say that there probably won’t be a legacy update again until long after Pets comes out (but not too long, hopefully). I’ve been looking into various internet companies, but because I live out in the middle of nowhere (not by choice, really) the only thing most people can offer my area is DIAL-UP. I haven’t had dial-up since I was like 13. No offense to anyone who may still have and enjoy it (does anyone like that exist?), but no thanks, kay?! I was tempted, because any internet is better than NO internet, right, but I’m not paying $70 a month for dial-up. Noooooo waaaaaay.

Listen to me being an old grumpy person. But after months of only being able to skim the web with my unsmart phone, I’d like to think I’m allowed XD

Just know that I appreciate you all for being patient and sympathetic and more or less HERE. You can use any Creepers you want from the Downloads page in your game or legacy or… whatever else you might use them in so that they’re not lonely. And in the meantime, I’m doing everything I can to come back and finish their story.

<3

I… *gasps for air* Need… *clutches at heart* Internet… *curls into fetal position, defeated*

Make it come back. Please? :(

/dramatics

Thank you for reading my babbles! Happy simming!

And P.S. Not being able to update mods and download CC is driving me just a little bit nuts D: ENJOY YOUR INTERWEBS.

Happy simming! <3

Sage Moonblood: This doesn’t seem like my house.

That’s because it’s not. I’ve commandeered us a new one, like a pirate.

Sage Moonblood: And all of our stuff?

Gone. Sorry.

Sage Moonblood: And my entire family tree?

Also gone. Except your siblings.

Sage Moonblood: Well happy goddamn 50th chapter to the Creepers. My father will hear about this.

He can’t because he’s in another save file! Aaaah, funny.

Sage Moonblood: Just kidding. I like our new house, as well as the lack of Creeper inbreeding.

Me too!

Before I wrote up the last chapter I made the executive decision to leave the old Creeper save file behind and start a new one with just last generation’s kids to begin with. I’ve still got everyone on the family tree safely tucked away in case I ever decide to play them out, but for now, fresh and clean is the best thing ever.

Oh, and Sage Moonblood was glitched when I loaded the last save file, so blame her. Sorry, ancestors :(

I was also tired of the huge lot and fell in love with a new premade house, so I left the house too (I will be uploading it soon, I promise).

Tour time? Sure, why not?

This house is called Kid Friendly, Mother Approved and it came with Generations. It had a very retro vibe before I redecorated, but I liked the layout a lot. It’s a tad similar to the old house.

Remind me to recolor that window on the left XD

The entryway and dining area.

Kitchen, complete with a fridge of spoiled food. Really, why would they bring that with them? I guess so it still feels like home.

EXTREME LIVING ROOM AREA OF AWESOME.

Or just a living room.

This is what I like to call Sage’s Retreat, fully stocked. She enjoys this addition.

Part of Tabooger’s room. I left all the bedrooms pretty much the way EA had them, just did some recoloring in favorite colors.

She likes turquoise XD

The twins, who have yet to be introduced because I hadn’t written down their names last update like a failure, have a nice spacey room.

Their favorite colors are green and sea foam. Sea foam?! I just picture the baby being born and being all, "OH MY GOD, SEA FOAM IS THE GREATEST COLOR OF ALL TIME!" And then the nurses would be like, "Sea foam is allowed to be a favorite color? Why?" And then, "Holy shit, a talking newborn!"

I don’t know why I’m so weird sometimes. Let move on.

Peaches Honeyblossom’s room. There’s not much to it. Just this.

Annnd the mamas’ bedroom.

Bookcase: FEEEEEED MEEEEEE!

I’m still working on making it look lived in. That bookcase won’t be empty for very long with Hermione in the house.

The best part about the house is the backyard. Buy one house, get a water slide free! You can’t beat that deal.

But wait, there’s more!

Since we ordered within the next 60 seconds, they also threw in a free tree house! You can search craigslist all day long and not find anything like this, I swear.

Sage Moonblood: I approve of this!

House: ‘Kid Friendly, Mother Approved’! I told you so!

Tabooger: I miss the magic gnomes, mom. They were my friends.

Sage Moonblood: …Um, when did you grow up? Was it that long of a hangover?

Right, well, I’d played ahead before my SP experiments and then stupidly deleted all of those screenshots, so the kids are magically older this chapter. Magic is might, you know.

I’ll just use this time to re-introduce them :D

Tabooger is clumsy, hates the outdoors, and is a coward. She should never be let out of the house, apparently D:

Peaches Honeyblossom: I am blown away by your idiocies.

And I’m blown away by that infected looking scab on your arm.

Peaches Honeyblossom: WHAT? WHERE? IS IT SWOLLEN?! MOOOOOMMY!

Peaches is a neurotic genius, just like Diva Muffin was.

And this is Spec Wildhorse. He’s a friendly virtuoso.

Spec Wildhorse: Look, I beheaded my would-be imaginary friend!

He’s the one who likes sea foam. Clearly he’s a future serial killer.

IRL Spec Wildhorse is another one of John Mellencamp’s kids. He’s a half-sibling to Teddy Jo and Justice.

And THIS is Seven Sirius (…I had to XD). He is easily impressed and a loner.

IRL Seven Sirius is the son of Erykah Badu and Andre 3000. Best name ever for this generation, methinks.

Seven Sirius: Do I have to play with this thing?

You don’t have to, but it’s ALL YOU FREAKING DO anyway.

Seriously, put the things down! They creep me out D:

Imaginary Friends: Plaaaaaay with uuuuuuusssss!

Horse and Bunny: It’s a lonely life :(

Bunny: We should murder them.

…

Bunny: …Did I say that out loud?

Naturally, we have to have a house warming party.

Sage Moonblood: Shh! No talking in my retreat. Only drunking.

Drunking?

Sage Moonblood: Exactly.

Maybe we shouldn’t keep it fully stocked.

Dweezil: Hey, sis, I thought you were dead. Killed by the slayer who just so happened to be another version of mom.

Moxie CrimeFighter: Well I am back. With a vengeance.

I stuck her in town with the intention to kill her off after setting up the family tree, but I just couldn’t do it. Also: she’s prettier than I remember.

And then there’s Tu Morrow.

Moxie CrimeFighter: She doesn’t even go here!

Dweezil: Ahaaaa, Mean Girls.

Sage Moonblood: I mixed this up just for you. Here’s to a second chance at life.

Moxie CrimeFighter: Mmm, that’s lovely. What’s in it?

Sage Moonblood: Your mom’s chest hair!

Moxie CrimeFighter: I already did the Mean Girls joke >:(

Sage Moonblood: Oh, well then poison. It’s poison.

Moxie CrimeFighter: Go sober up.

The party was awesome and full of stuff like this.

And this.

You know you’re awesome when your siblings are acting like Twihards whenever you’re around.

Hermione is still working on her Leader of the Free World LTW… as you can see?

A little Party Drink before work never hurt anyone, right? She’ll do great things for the sim world.

Sage stays at home with the kids. I don’t know if that’s necessarily safe, but we do what we can.

In-between trips to the bar she plays hopscotch and attacks the twins with The Claw.

Sage Moonblood: I have the greatest life.

Sounds like it!

She also works on their skills with them.

Spec Wildhorse: I’d rather be playing with my imaginary friend like Seven is.

I’m sure you would. IT NEVER STOPS.

-_-

The day after the house warming party is Peaches Honeyblossom’s birthday, meaning yay, another excuse to throw a party!

Peaches Honeyblossom: But people will breathe on me! It’s not safe. I don’t need a party.

Sage Moonblood (from the Retreat): You’re gettning a p… *hic*arty, kid. Shaddup.

Sage Moonblood: See, this isn’t so bad. This is fun, right?

Peaches Honeyblossom: Your breath smells like highly concentrated whiskey. I would advise you not to blow on my candles if you don’t want to blow us all up.

Peaches Honeyblossom: Are we absolutely sure these sparkles aren’t going to give me a terrible rash? I’m… I’m not going to open my eyes, just in case.

Peaches gains the Perceptive trait, making her a neurotic, perceptive… genius.

Peaches Honeyblossom: I’ve just realized… I am the smartest child… on the planet. Oh, and I’m confiscating this cake in order to protect everyone from the deadly bacteria that was most likely passed from me to the frosting upon my blowing out the candles.

…This is a terrible mix of traits. She’s cute though :3

I also first typed ‘deathly’ instead of  ‘deadly’. LOL HARRY POTTER IS IN MY BLOODSTREAM.

Sage Moonblood: Congratulations, Peaches. You’re going to be the first ever Creeper to receive a gift. Happy birthday :D

Peaches Honeyblossom: That is so GREAT! THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER DESPITE THE DANGEROUS AIRBORNE PATHOGENS!

She jumped really high for a little CC cactus plant.

Bella Swan: My cactus.

Sage Moonblood: You get a gift too, to be fair. But don’t tell your sister.

Tabooger: Aw, thanks, mom! It’s awfully heavy…

It was an iron ingot. I’m declaring myself the best gift giver.

I think Hermione’s Insufferable Know-It-All tendencies are getting to her. I can’t keep her from going to the bar and trying to mix drinks.

Hermione: It can’t be that hard, can it? It’s like mixing potions, only with fancy swizzle sticks.

Hermione: How does she DO this?

Magic? XD

The next day is Friday, and if Rebecca Black has taught us anything, it’s that yesterday was Thursday, choosing the best seat in the car is very important, and we’ve gotta get down on Friday. Remember these things… and you’ll become a meme.

So the girls throw a slumber party!

Sandi French: Hey, who invited WORTimer?

Bella Bachelor: He’s so amazing… I picture him riding a majestic unicorn.

Neil Patrick Harris: Hey. That’s MY thing.

Peaches and Mortimer party down with homework. NERD ALERT!

…

Hello? Can you hear me? I’m making fun of you!

…

Well screw you too.

Sage Moonblood: This’ll spice this party up.

Sage… they’re just children!

Sage Moonblood: Yeah… and?

…Nevermind.

I didn’t let the kids drink, I promise.

…Bella, you were supposed to scoot back to hide the drinks from view!

Bella: Crap.

Ignore this screenshot.

Our new gnome is called Gnome-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. GWMNBN for short.

Spec Wildhorse: I’m here for the party. BYOB means Bring Your Own Boat, right?

Pizza Lady: Here’s your pizza, little girl. *dumps*

Tabooger: …Thanks.

Pizza Lady: Yay, I did it! They said I couldn’t do it but I did it! I delivered a pizza against all odds!

Tabooger: Congratulations. But you don’t get a tip.

Weirdo NPC.

Tabooger: I just remembered it’s my birthday! Derp time!

Peaches Honeyblossom: I can’t pretend to be excited when I know my mom is endangering us all with her bodily fluids.

Ew.

Tabooger: I’m now a virtuoso and that TERRIFIES me.

Sage Moonblood: Really? I was going to give you a keyboard for your gift, but now I guess I’ll stick with Starla’s idea.

A curtain!

Spec really freaks me out. He’s supposed to be singing to his imaginary friend doll, but it’s not there.

Spec Wildhorse: My singing voice gives him the power of invisibilityyyyyyy.

He will kill you in your sleep, I swear D:

I moved the furniture to make room for the sleeping bags (and notice Peaches is the only one with a CAST sleeping bag because her parents actually love her).

But three of the kids preferred Tabooger’s room.

I’m pretty sure that’s why Tabooger woke up having her first mood swing.

Tabooger: Yeah, I woke up with a bunch of freaking kids in my room. I’m a TEEN now, I don’t put up with kid crap.

Says the girl who’s still got a princess bedroom. Nevermind that that’s my fault.

It is literally 6:17 in the morning and Sage has already prepared enough drinks to last three days.

Sage Moonblood: No, these will only last until about 9, unless the kids decide to take some home with them, in which case it’ll be 7. I’ll make a few more rounds, just in case.

Well that’s it for now! Next time: More birthdays, some teen angst, serial killers and old people?

Sage Moonblood: It’s going to be scaaaaaaary!

Thanks for reading, happy simming!

I started each save file the same way: a fresh Sunset Valley with NPCs annihilated via MasterController and respawned by the game. No vampires or celebrities were created by me. I played for two sim weeks (it was going to be six, but I just didn’t have the patience for it) and jotted down the stats from MasterController (god bless MC) as I went along. I really hope you find this information useful :D

EASP – I’m going to note here that while it was only EA’s Story Progression, it wasn’t an entirely vanilla game. I also had AwesomeMod installed (the test version), BUT it was configured to where everything but the NoVanillaPudding option was disabled. I just really can’t go without my NoVanillaPudding (it prevents newly spawned sims from having the same "face 1" face, in case you didn’t know).

Beginning Stats:

Households	25
Residents	69
Homeless	1
Pregnancies	2
Unemployed	17
Retired	2
Working	40
Married	12
Steady	1

End Stats:

Households	34
Residents	63
Homeless	13
Pregnancies	0
Unemployed	32
Retired	4
Working	39
Married	10
Steady	5

End Totals:

Total Vampires: 3
Total Celebrities: 17 ★
Total Births: 2
Total Marriages: 0
Total Emigration: 5
Total Random Deaths: 5
Total Natural Deaths: 2

Pros: Smooth gameplay, vampire creation wasn’t too ridiculous. I also like that Pauline Wan got fat XD
Cons: No pregnancies, no marriages, too many random deaths, too much emigration, too many celebrities, NPCs not included in romance, no gay sims, too much homelessness, too many unemployed… I sound so picky, but I’ve been spoiled. Don’t judge me :P

At the end of the two weeks, there was only one child in town, and no babies or toddlers. Most sims were becoming elders with no children to speak of. The numbers were going down, so I ‘m pretty sure that the outlook for this save file wasn’t good. RIP EASP Sunset Valley.

EASP Conclusions: Obviously every save file will be different, so I’m not saying EASP is awful. You could have a really active town one time and a dead one the next. I’ve seen it happen, and not just with EA’s SP. And maybe if I’d played a little longer things would’ve perked up, but I just couldn’t do it. I’ve been playing with EASP for weeks now and the results have been similar most of the time. There are people out there who’ve been able to make it work for them and I have nothing but respect for those of you who can deal with it. I’m just too impatient XD Maybe someday.

I also despise random deaths and emigration. They suck so bad.

AMSP – I decided to play the Wolff family with this save file because I got bored, so some of the beginning stats will be one less than EASP’s.

Beginning Stats:

Households	24
Residents	68
Homeless	1
Pregnancies	2
Unemployed	16
Retired	2
Working	40
Married	12
Steady	1

End Stats:

Households	35
Residents	73
Homeless	8
Pregnancies	0
Unemployed	25
Retired	0
Working	50
Married	13
Steady	3

End Totals:

Total Vampires: 0
Total Celebrities: 0
Total Births: 5
Total Marriages: 2
Total Emigration: 0
Total Random Deaths: 0
Total Natural Deaths: 2

Pros: Smooth gameplay, a more "natural" feel, a good balance in careers, decent amount of marriages and births, no emigration or random deaths, yay. Claire Ursine lost weight (I really do like the weight gain/loss thing). 
Cons: Crib and double bed checks, which causes sims to move around a lot (or not have babies if they don’t have cribs), no celebrity or vampire creation (it is kind of nice to have that I guess), NPCs not included in romance, aaaand no gay sims. I think that’s about it, unless you don’t like the idea that it’s a core mod. I guess that could be a problem for some.

AMSP Conclusions: I think AMSP is pretty middle-of-the-road. It makes sure your town doesn’t die, it keeps it active, but it doesn’t go overboard either. Despite the cons, I really enjoyed it. It was like what EASP was supposed to be. I do enjoy the threat of a good old fashioned vampire invasion, though, and AMSP lacks that. Sure, I can create my own celebrities and vampires, but I kind of like it when they do it on their own. Also, I’d like my NPCs to be available for romance as well. I don’t know if there’s a way to allow that with AM, but it’s not really a deal breaker or anything.

I really do like it though, and I think I might try and use it sometime. Eventually I’d like to see how it does in the long term. Would it be too slow to keep up with a legacy family? NOOOOBODY KNOOOOWS!

Well someone might know, but I don’t.

TSP – This time I played with Christopher Steel (he married Bebe Hart and they are my new OTP). I only had The StoryProgression in, no extras or anything. I set SP to work at Snail pace and tweaked a few settings to my liking, disabling all pop ups as well.

Beginning Stats:

End Stats:

End Totals:

Total Vampires: 0
Total Celebrities: 0
Total Births: 6
Total Marriages: 4
Total Emigration: 0
Total Random Deaths: 0
Total Natural Deaths: 2

Pros: Without the pop ups and all of  the extra stuff, the gameplay is pretty smooth :) There was a decent amount of marriages and births, NPCs were able to find love, sims could become gay, and Jack Bunch even lost weight.
Cons: The only cons I can really think of are just that sims are being told what to do instead of given a little nudge to do their own thing. It doesn’t affect gameplay, it’s more just my petty opinion than anything. Not having the pop ups was kind of confusing at times, especially when Jamie Jolina was pregnant with someone’s baby but was dating someone else, and also when sims broke up and such, but I used Gossip, the newspaper, and MC to figure things out. Also, I guess if you don’t feel like fiddling with a bunch of options just to have the town the way you want it, it could be a con. Sometimes it is a little tiring.

TSP Conclusions: So basically Twallan has made it to where it’s nearly impossible for your town to die, and if you have any problems with anything, it’s most likely your fault. For example, my huge amount of unemployed sims is because I turned Auto Find Job to false. The lack of vampires and celebrities is because I set the percentage very low to be a little more realistic. It takes a bit of configuration if you’re picky like I am, but Twallan has given you all the tools you need to create your perfect game.

Final Conclusions: I honestly think EASP needs work before I can enjoy it, unfotunately. AMSP is definitely a great mod and if you compare the end totals with TSP, they’re almost the same. I’d love to work with it more to see how far it can go, maybe after the legacy is over. Twallan’s is great as well, especially once the lag is gone, and obviously since I’ve used it for so long I’ve gotten so used to the options it has it’s hard to let them go. It all comes down to how YOU want your game to be.

But regardless of what mod does what and what mod doesn’t do whatever, the creators of these things are completely amazing and deserve nothing but respect and honor and glory and ponies. They’ve worked hard to keep everyone happy and really ask for nothing in return. Everyone should somehow find their addresses and send them thank you cards with money in them*. Or do like I did in my dream last night and find their phone numbers and give them a call* (I think I’ll be taking a break from playing for a day or so because of this :P).

*Don’t do either of these, it’s creepy.

Oh, and also, here are the file sizes of each save file (the .nhd file), in case you’re curious:

EASP: 30.8 MB
AMSP: 31.6 MB
TSP: 34.1 MB

JEEZE, STARLA, SHUT UP ALREADY.

So that’s that. I hope you were able to feel like reading this wasn’t a complete and utter waste of time, and to get a little feel for what these mods have to offer. When choosing one, it really all boils down to player preferences, but I did learn a few cool things from doing this, and despite the problems, I had fun.

COMING SOON: A fresh and clean TS3 resources page and (possibly, maybe, finally) a Creeper update!  I’m shutting up now and probably taking a nice break from simming for a day or two. Thank you if you’re still reading <3

Happy simming, everyone!